A local family returned home from Christmas shopping to find that a homeless gingerbread man had taken possession of their gingerbread house. They implored him to leave, even bribing him with a nice pair of warm socks, to know avail. He refused to even acknowledge them, sinking deeper into a comfy chair next to the candy fire. The police declined to take action saying possession is 9/10ths of the law. A judge remarked that it was just a gingerbread man in a gingerbread house which looked fine to him. At press time the family had taken matters into their own hands and built a new gingerbread house to live in next door to their gingerbread man neighbor.
But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason. (Title headline by @funguy.)
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
Australian Citizens Offer $50k Reward For Information On Whereabouts Of Their Police Department @dontslowtheearth
Bridal Shop Throws In Free Therapy To Help Dad Cope With The Price Tag @kirgol
White House Doctors Announce Trump Has Rob Reiner Derangement Syndrome @drconservativeprof
Remake Of Crocodile Dundee Will Have Him Run And Hide Every Time Bad Guys Show Up @thebigfreeze
Suspicious Of Rudolph's Red Nose Donner Discovers He Is NOT The Father On Maury @njhokie84
Jimmy Kimmel Tears Up Recalling How His Money-Losing Show Was Revived For Expensive Virtue Signal @realschlemiel
Boomer Longs For Shopping Days She Had A Stroller To Use As Battering Ram @ruthiej714
Trump Adds Name To Moon @twoplus2ischicken
Pope Leo XIV Urges Christians To Unite In Fellowship With The Tens Of Millions Of Peaceful Muslims Who Only Passively Support Radical Islamic Terror @fishythepenguin
Candace Finally Admits To Erika That She Just Wants The Shoes @annafillaxis
Santa Starts Giving Naughty Children A Copy Of The Koran Instead Of Coal @ironsakura
Be Warned That If You Wear Pajamas And Crocs To Walmart I Am Judging You @surfduck
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
Young Jesus Sparks Birthday Tradition Changing His Milk Into Egg Nog @ruthiej714
Local Man Watching Football Game Pulls Hamstring Getting Off Couch @surfduck
Santa Brings Mrs. Claus To Help Him Find Milk Kids Leave Out For Him @batknight
Tragic: Everything Is Fixed And Now Dad Has To Put The Drill Away @optimus_bardlederp
Trump Kicks Off Festivus With Airing of Grievances @twoplus2ischicken
Family Discovers Homeless Gingerbread Man Has Taken Possession Of Their Gingerbread House @funguy
Christmas Light Company Issues Recall After Lights Come Out Of Box Untangled @babylonjosh
Self-Employed Introvert Having A Blast At His Office Christmas Party @njhokie84
"Remember, Only Clap On Beats 2 And 4" Says Angel Choir Conductor Right Before Appearing To Shepherds @baberahamlincoln
BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments below.
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