News that President Biden's pardons were signed by Autopen has led many to suspect that Autopen was the real genius behind the Biden administration. Though Autopen has been silent since signing his own pardon, insiders report the pen plans to pen a tell-all memoir of his four years in the seat of power. In reaction to the rumors, President Biden has released a statement that he is working on his own memoir to counter Autopen's unauthorized account. Biden's memoir is to be ghostwritten by Dr. Jill. At press time, Autopen had released a document signed by Biden declaring Autopen's memoir to be the only authorized memoir of the Biden shadowrun presidency. But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason.
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
Dad Under The Impression That Kids Care What Last Month's Utility Bill Was @kirgol
Biden's Auto-pen Pardons Itself @atomik
Husband Kindly Explains To Upset Wife What It Means To Calm Down @dontslowtheearth
Tim Walz Challenges MAGA Supporters To Epic Dance Off @drconservativeprof
Federal Judge Orders Biden's Autopen To Be Reinstated As Acting President @thebigfreeze
Female Pilot Tells Mechanic Those Scratches Were Already On The Plane @twoplus2ischicken
Teslas Now Sold At Costco In Packs Of 12 @ruthiej714
Blues States Order All Tesla Owners To Sew A Yellow T Onto Their Clothing @meatzu
Disney Proud To Begin And End With Snow White @baberahamlincoln
Google Maps Invited To Next Ukraine Peace Negotiation @gfanson
Before There Was Autopen There Was Radar O'Reilly @njhokie84
FBI Releases Kennedy Assassination Files In Convenient Powder Form @neohillbilly
Cohabitating Single Astronauts Now Common Law Married Couple @hamnetwall55
Black Smoke From Disney Board Signals It Has Yet To Select A Competent CEO @annafillaxis
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
Husband Breaks Faith With Wife By Getting Chick-fil-A Without Her @cjrenner
Show-Off President Easily Finds His Way Off Every Stage @longamzn
Experts Determine Hunter Biden Artwork The Product Of Autocrayon @trooper777
Boeing Starliner Wins Gov't Contract For Tren De Aragua Deportations @bobola
Female Astronaut Backs Space X Capsule Into Asteroid During Reentry @cclaws
Man Begins 'Kennedy Files In A Year' Reading Plan @tylermontgomery
Inmate On Death Row Chooses Viewing Snow White 2025 As Means Of Execution @thegrandmaster
Referee Begs Jesus To Heal His Blindness @riddler5
With Dept Of Education Closing, Liberal Parents Forced To Homegroom @ruthiej714
'When I'm Talking, You're Not Talking!' Says Wife Soon To Be Immortalized In First Corinthians @iotaknowbetter
BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
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