Christmas week was full of highs as many people received the socks they had been hoping for and dads everywhere have been gleefully playing with their kids' toys. However, many report the low point of the season was the newly released live-action remake of the classic movie Home Alone. Viewers excited to experience the antics of Kevin McCallister in a 2025 world were treated to two hours of Kevin sitting on his bed staring at his phone. His family had a wonderful trip to Paris, but never realized he was missing because he apparently was always just staring at his phone. Kevin never noticed his family had left him. Amazon will pay $5 to anyone willing to watch the 200 million dollar film on Prime. But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason. (Title headline by @priehle.)
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
Home Alone Remake Flops When Kevin Just Stares At His Phone The Whole Time @priehle
Minnesota Replaces Muslim Call To Prayer With Somali Call To Fraud @dontslowtheearth
Thanks Be To God For The Perfect Gift That Will Never Tarnish, Rust, Or Fade! @kirgol
Joseph Frustrated With Mary Just Sitting On Her Donkey @ruthiej714
Husband Really Hoping Wife Will Like This Burger King Gift Card @twoplus2ischicken
Taco Bell Announces Pepto-Bismol Taco @drconservativeprof
Dad Still Has Plenty Of Time Left To Start His Christmas Shopping @yantelope
Cats Finally Have Enough Boxes To Establish A Small City In The Living Room @alola_rychu
Trump Just Couldn't Wait To Try Out The New Missiles He Got For Christmas @neohillbilly
Man From Family Line That Rarely If Ever Reproduces Outside Cousins Tells Britain That 'Diversity Is Our Strength' @slateslabrock
Netflix Announces Stranger Things Spinoff Gayer Things @thebigfreeze
Sad: Gingerbread House Insurance Doesn't Cover Roof Replacement @middleaged_machinist
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
Wise Men Take Buc-ee's Detour, Insist Armful Of Snacks And Merch Are "All For Jesus" @burtmacklin_fbi
Ralphie Loses Red Ryder BB Gun In Tragic Boating Accident @baberahamlincoln
Child Spends Christmas Break Watching His New AI Toys Play With Each Other @lpathehuman
Experts Confirm We Live In The Timeline Where George Bailey Was Never Born @baberahamlincoln
Exposé Shows Scrooge McDuck Made His Millions By Opening Somali Daycares @lilsebastian
Man Avoids All The Gay Stuff In Stranger Things By Never Watching Stranger Things @davidjohnson
New FDNY Commissioner Upgrades All Firetrucks To Subaru Outbacks @skp
Mafia Sells Casinos To Go Into More Lucrative Somali Daycares @drconservativeprof
After Construction On Temple Complete, Solomon Spends The Rest Of His Life Building The Lego Version @leecory
Large Family Kicking Themselves For Not Labeling Their House As A 'Daycare Center' @davidjohnson
BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
Dyslexic Devil Worshipper Sells Soul To Santa! @philipbjaffa
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments below.
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