After losing billions in government funding, Harvard reiterated its commitment to freedom of shouting people down, shutting people up, and making Jewish students fear for their lives. To recoup the lost funds, students were sent home with the directive to sell as many cookies as possible in a massive fundraising effort. Harvard has quickly recouped the lost billions, and a container ship of cookies is now in route to the Middle East. But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason. (Title Headline idea by @lpathehuman)
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
Archeologists Uncover Blue Binder Adam And Eve Used To Hide From God In Garden Of Eden @dontslowtheearth
Man Happy To Go To Counseling So Wife Has Someone Else To Complain To @priehle
Gov Whitmer Tells Reporters She Wasn't Finished Looking At WH Lunch Menu @ruthiej714
Abrego Garcia's Wife Upset That Sen. Van Hollen Didn't Include Her In Brunch Plans @annafillaxis
China Pledges To End All Tariffs If Trump Clicks Email Link @buzzyboy
David Hogg Demands Bud Light Cans Be Reduced To Six Ounces So He Can Lift Them @drconservativeprof
Jeff Bezos Spends $50 M To Get 90 Minute Break From Lauren Sanchez @coachjoeconway
Church Usher Denies Entry To Heathens Not Wearing Proper Easter Pastels @kirgol
Assassination Of Lincoln Ruled Self Defense By Judge Due To The President Being Too White @thebigfreeze
Not Satire: Christ Is Risen! @fishythepenguin
China Smuggles Easter Bunny Drone Into White House To Spy On Trump @dorli
Ku Klux Klan Rebrands As 'Southern Dads' Hoping To Get Some Positive Coverage From Democrat Media @neohillbilly
Clark Kent Breaks Character To Help Lois Park The Car After She Hits The Curb Again @meatzu
Democrat Hero Flies To El Salvador To Rescue Deported MS-13 Terrorist From Maximum Security Prison @m4d
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
Harvard Sends Cookie Fundraiser Catalogs Home With Students To Recoup Billions In Lost Funding @lpathehuman
Man Asks God To Spare Episcopalian Denomination If Even 5 Believers Are Found In It @jbaker
Disciples Ask Resurrected Jesus If It Was Last Dinner Or Last Supper @ruthiej714
Biblical Scholars Now Believe That Judas Iscariot Also Had Dirt On The Clintons @njhokie84
Conservative Catholics Prepare For Worst As Pink Smoke Emerges From Vatican @daviddeeble
PBS Announces Release Of New Go Fund Me Elmo After Trump Budget Cuts @kalebnicholson
BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
P.S. Now check out our latest video 👇
