Congressional Democrats and liberal pundits alike have become increasingly concerned recently about the brain damage suffered by Senator Fetterman due to a massive stroke in 2022, prior to being elected to the Senate. Though he has regained his ability to speak coherently, latent damage to Fetterman's ability to blindly follow directions from the DNC has become more and more evident. Democrats had hoped with the proper therapy that the formerly liberal Senator would improve. But as things keep getting worse and worse for them, Democrat power brokers believe it's time to pull the plug and put him out of their misery. Judge Boasberg is expected to declare Senator Fetterman legally incompetent and will appoint Hillary Clinton to finish out his term. But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason. (Title Headline by @joaquin_upright.)
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
New Pope Appears To Crowd With Standard Chicago ‘Hands Up, Don't Shoot' Position @ruthiej714
Democrats Support Real ID For Travel And Fake ID For Voting @drconservativeprof
California's High-Speed Rail Will Now Be Completed In Governor Newsom's Basement @dontslowtheearth
Sad: High School Valedictorian Can Only Name Two Genders @kirgol
Trump Says American Made Pope Is Proof The Tariffs Are Working @carolyn1
Local Boomer Depressed To Learn He Is Now Older Than The Pope @annafillaxis
Not To Be Outdone By Vatican, Trump Orders White Smoke Release From White House For Each New Trade Deal @coachjoeconway
Black Smoke Rises From Babylon Bee Chimney Indicating This Headline Has Not Been Selected For Publication @neohillbilly
With American Life Upended By Trump, Local Man Decides To Go Golfing @gfanson
Trump Tells Mexico To Celebrate Their Independence While They Still Have It @baberahamlincoln
Orthodox Celebrate Mother's Day A Week Later So All The Restaurants Are Clear @twoplus2ischicken
Governor Pritzker Is Just Three Governor Christies In A Trench Coat @njhokie84
Apple Customers Ask Siri How To Safeguard Their Privacy From Siri @priehle
Cardinal From Michigan Becomes Next Pope After 138,000 Votes Drop At Midnight @meatzu
Biden Relishes The Moment When In His Demented Decline He Becomes The Smartest Person In The Room On The View @michaelbmurphy
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
Escaped Convict In Seattle Airport Located, Detained And Elected City Mayor @bobola
Conclave Results Delayed After Pipe Bursts In Room Holding Ballots @theethythou
Total Chad Turns Off Hotel Light On First Try @webidtheefarewell
Democrats Suddenly Remember Fetterman's Stroke And Declare Him Unfit For Office @joaquin_upright
Theologians Still Unsure If Guardian Angels Enter The Bathroom With You Or Politely Wait Outside @babylonjosh
IPad Awarded Mother Of The Year @twoplus2ischicken
White Sox Games Added To Liturgical Calendar @tylermontgomery
Trump Lowers Price Of Ozempic For Working Class Fatties @jmoconnor9301
BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
'Could You Be More Specific?' Disciple Heard To Say After Jesus's 'Wars And Rumors Of War' Prophecy @lpathehuman
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
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